Beyond a Promise: The Weight of Covenant

In our modern world, we often treat marriage like a contract, a “paper” that can be shredded if the terms no longer suit us. Biblically, marriage isn’t a contract: it is a Covenant.

“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied.

“They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’”

And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’

Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” (Matthew 19:4-6)

The Foundation: Sealed in Blood

When God made a covenant with Abraham, it wasn’t a handshake. It was sealed in blood. (Genesis 15:9-21) In ancient times, passing through the middle of the two pieces of a sacrifice meant: “May this happen to me if I break this bond.” This shows the seriousness of such a commitment.

Observe the scene:

“The Lord told him, “Bring me a three-year-old heifer, a three-year-old female goat, a three-year-old ram, a turtledove, and a young pigeon.”So Abram presented all these to him and killed them. Then he cut each animal down the middle and laid the halves side by side; he did not, however, cut the birds in half.” (Genesis 15:9-10)

“After the sun went down and darkness fell, Abram saw a smoking firepot and a flaming torch pass between the halves of the carcasses. So the Lord made a covenant with Abram that day and said, “I have given this land to your descendants, all the way from the border of Egypt to the great Euphrates River-”

(Genesis 15:17-19)

God walking through the carcasses was His signature of commitment to the covenant.

True biblical covenants are permanent. They are not merely earthly promises but are sealed before God. A covenant is only fulfilled at the death of one of the parties involved.

The Ultimate Fulfillment

Jesus understood this better than anyone. He didn’t just talk about covenant, He embodied it.

Jesus fulfilled the Old Covenant through His perfect life. He completed the promises and prophecies made in the Old Testament, through his life, death, and resurrection.

Jesus did what was required to fullfil the covenant He made with Abraham. As the One who sealed the covenant, His death signalled its completion. (As He expressed in John 19:30, “It is finished.”)

Jesus also ushered in the New Covenant by taking the place of the sacrifice. Shed blood is required in the enactment of a covenant.

Jesus died, the old was fulfilled, and at the same time the new enacted. At His death He fulfilled the Old Covenant, by submitting Himself as a sacrifice Jesus ushered in the New Covenant. The difference is the new has been established forever. Jesus was resurrected and will never die again. The New is an eternal, permanent and everlasting covenant.

Marriage: “Till Death Do Us Part”

With this understanding of covenant, take into consideration the traditional marriage vows.

“From death till us part” isn’t just a romantic sentiment, it’s a theological reality.

The Seal: Just as Abraham’s covenant was sealed in blood, so is the marriage covenant, upon consummation on the wedding night.

The Duration: Paul and Jesus both outline marriage as a lifelong commitment. “…by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him.”(Romans 7:2-3)

Jesus noted that there is no marriage in heaven (Matthew 22:30), highlighting the unions covenant reality. It ends at death. Practically, this life is our one and only chance to honour this sacred bond.

The “Why”: The minister has you the couple repeat “till death do us part” because, in God’s eyes, death is what “fulfills” or completes the terms of the agreement.

Everything in a wedding ceremony displays the significance of the covenant the two are entering into.

The walk down the aisle is not simply to display the beauty of the bride. It signifies the walking between the two pieces of the carcass of the sacrificed animal. In the ancient Near East, the two forming the covenant would walk down the “aisle”as a sign of commitment to the covenant being made. Those marrying walk down the aisle as a sign of covenant commitment.

We exchange rings not just for simple tradition. Those living in Biblical times would always exchange something of value to to seal their covenant commitment. Each would receive an item of value from the other party as a seal of the covenant The ring upon your finger represents to you and others that you are in covenant with your spouse. You have been sealed before God to your spouse.

These all signify the lifelong covenant one enters into at marriage.

Grace in the Wilderness of Betrayal

While the theological blueprint of covenant is unbreakable, we must also look with the eyes of Jesus at the shattered hearts living in this fallen world.

To speak of covenant is not to demand that a victim of serial unfaithfulness, abuse, or neglect simply “endure” in a way that endangers their soul or safety. We serve a God who is both the Architect of Marriage and the Protector of the Brokenhearted.

In cases where sin has made a home a place of trauma rather than a sanctuary, separation can be a necessary step for safety and the pursuit of holy accountability. Choosing to step away from a destructive environment is not a “shredding of the contract,” but can be a step towards to the very restoration God desires. We must hold two truths in tension: God’s design for the permanence of the union, and His deep, protective compassion for the spouse who has been sinned against. Mercy does not ignore the covenant, but it does provide a refuge for those whom the covenant was meant to protect. You must go to Jesus in these situations and ask Him what He prescribes in restoring health to your marriage.

Holy Spirit move and speak! Give us humble hearts to hear, trust and obey. You know better than us Jesus!

A Call to Commitment

Even as God provides refuge for the broken, He continues to call His people toward a standard of holiness that refuses to let sin have the final word over the covenant.

When Jesus spoke about adultery in Matthew 19, He was highlighting the gravity of the bond rather than offering an “easy out.”

“…whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.” (Matthew 19:9)

Jesus highlights the sin of divorce here. He is stating emphatically, if you divorce and remarry you become an adulterer.

This is not Jesus making an allowance for divorce.

Jesus addresses the seriousness of sexual immorality. However, never does He give this as a reason for divorce.

The “unless” in this passage is not a word of permission. Many read that into the passage, but that is not what Jesus said.

This verse in the original Greek is even less nuanced than the English. The literal reading of the first sentence is:

“he who her [that is] put away, marries commits adultery.”

A proper English renditioning of the Greek would than be,“He who puts her away and marries commits adultery.”

In the Greek, the word used for what we translate as “commit(s) adultery” is one word, moichaó.

This word is used twice in this short verse.Matthew 19:9 most literally says, “If you marry another you commit adultery, if you divorce your wife you commit adultery.”

It is moichaó and moichaó.

The emphasis is: Divorce is adultery; Marrying another is adultery.

Jesus’ language conveys a double emphasis on the responsibility of those who are married and the serious sin of divorcing your spouse.

The Greek for “unless his wife has been unfaithful.”

Is not so specific, the Greek word for ‘unfaithful’ is porneia whichis a broad term meaning ‘sexual immorality.’

The literal Greek reads like this:

“whoever divorces a (their) wife himself (herself) except for sexual immorality..”

TheGreek conveys a sense that this is an aside, not the main point.

Reading Matthew 19:9 in context with the rest of the passage alongside the original Greek reveals the rebuking of sexual immorality is not the main point of the verse.

The point that Jesus was making by His comment was this: If you have already committed sexual sin while you are married, you are already an adulterer. Your husband or wife is not bringing you into sexual immorality because you have already chosen that path yourself.

Jesus is describing divorce as being a form of adultery. Unless one has already committed adultery.

Jesus was not divided on this issue, He was not indicating infidelity as justification for divorce. This is apparent as the disciples respond to Jesus’ discourse by saying,

“…If this is the case, it is better not to marry!” (Matthew 19:10)

To bring this point home let us look at the rest of scripture.

What did the Old Testament teach about this matter? Did the law prescribe divorce for infidelity? No, it required death by stoning, (Deuteronomy 22:22, Leviticus 20:10) because that is the only way a covenant is truly broken, by death. A harsh but true reality.

This was a brutal “from death till us part”.

The way that many read these passages regarding divorce shows a misunderstanding on the concept of violation.

A violation does not terminate a covenant.

The violation of covenant is serious. There are consequences for sinning against God. You can look throughout the Old Testament. Many died as result of their flagrant disregard for the conditions of their covenant with Yahweh.

The people of Israel violated the covenant but it remained in effect until Christ’s death on the cross.

In the same way, infidelity is serious and there are consequences, for both the partner who walks outside the bounds of marriage and for the one who is the victim of this abuse. When the “two become one,” (Mark 10:8) they are bound in a way that when one sins, both feel the consequences. However, a violation of your marriage covenant does not bring an end to your marriage commitment before God Almighty.

We often act like the contract becomes null and void when one sins against their spouse in this way. Infidelity devastates a marriage but it does not negate your marriage vows nor the covenant you made before God.

God’s heart remains the same. He called the Israelites back to faithfulness, He calls adulterers back to the standards and commitments set in their marriage covenant.

Jesus doesn’t erase all the consequences of unfaithfulness. He intercedes as Restorer and Healer of families.

Infidelity is a violation of the terms of a marriage covenant. However, the act of having sexual intercourse with someone outside of your marriage does not break the covenant you made before God. It’s not grounds for divorce.

When the woman caught in adultery was thrown at Jesus’ feet in John, He did not say, “Now go so your husband can divorce you.” No. He said, “Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more.” (John 8:11)

The same Jesus who commanded that we forgive 70 x 7 (Matthew 18:22) is not giving you or your spouse permission to break a lifelong covenant due to sin.

Jesus breaks the power of sin!

Marriage is from “death till us part.” With all the good and the bad in between. What keeps the covenant healthy is bringing Jesus into the middle of it all. He is to be in the between that keeps your marriage holy and whole.

“For I hate divorce!” says the LORD, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the LORD of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.” (Malachi 2:16)

The heart of God is for the restoration of your marriage!

Repent and be reconciled to your spouse.

Lay all your sins and mistakes at the cross. Recommit to your marriage.

Aside from the complexities of being unequally yoked with an unbeliever, (2 Corinthians 6:14) the call for believers is clear: Stay.

Marriage is a living illustration of Christ and the Church. It is meant to be a lifelong, sacrificial, and unbreakable journey.

Let’s stop viewing marriage as a convenience and start viewing it as a Covenant.

“As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”

This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.” (Ephesians 5:31-32)

Note: This article is not promoting or advocating staying in an abusive situation. If your spouse is abusing you in anyway, please leave. If you are being put in harms way leave the situation. It’s not the heart of God for you to remain in a place where someone is violating your safety and wellbeing.

The fruits of repentance and the measurable signs of being “in Christ” should all be part of the larger discussion regarding the marriage covenant. It is not my intention to dismiss these matters; rather, I believe many have unwittingly married individuals they believed were of the Way, yet who bore no actual resemblance to Jesus. Jesus was not abusive. He did not threaten, nor did He use physical violence as a means of control. He did not psychologically manipulate or control others in any way.

The foundational understanding for this article is that I am addressing the standards Jesus held for a Christian marriage. I am speaking specifically of the marriage covenant between true followers of Christ. Consequently, I am not addressing the nuances of being unequally yoked in this piece.